Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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