My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
