I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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