I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
