We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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