dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
