we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Everyone says I win the strip club
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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