Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
