im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
