what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
