Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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