Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
