if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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