The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
