I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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