We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
