My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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