the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Can you bring me the toilet please
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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