I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
