I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
