I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
