If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I AM VODKA MAN
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
