Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Your cock deserves a montage
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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