He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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