Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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