Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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