i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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