I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
