so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
