we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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