She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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