i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
