I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
