I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I forget how to act sober
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