I wish I could teleport
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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