so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
