Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
