We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
