I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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