I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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