dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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