I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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