do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
