Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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