apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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