it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
