Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
