Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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