So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
