i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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