I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
