sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
