You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
